The McKay Law Group, APC
San Diego Divorce Attorneys
Newsletter
TMLG Creativity Gives You the Best Bang for Your Buck Without Compromising Quality or Strategy
Iris McKay
While
many divorce attorneys are raising their hourly rates to compensate for
fewer divorce clients, TMLG has found several clever ways to assist
clients in obtaining the best legal counsel for their divorces, while
keeping our rates discounted. We have found a ‘leaner and meaner’ way
of practicing law by cutting out the excess. ‘Excess’ in divorce can
come in many forms. One of the reasons for high legal fees in divorce
actions is the ‘back and forth’ of letter writing and posturing between
attorneys. There are also court appearances that are required to
update a judge on the progress of a case, where attorneys must show up
and bill the client, yet the client receives no benefit. Without a
doubt, though, the biggest waste in legal fees comes from clients who
are making their financial decisions based on their emotions–they act
out of fear, retaliation or anxiety.TMLG clients can retain our services to fit their needs, not ours. Many of our clients are professional, computer savvy individuals who retain us on a consultant or ‘as needed’ basis which allows them to maintain control of the case, while also availing themselves of shrewd legal advice.
We also provide mediation services to couples who would rather keep the bulk of their marital estates to divide between themselves, rather than paying two attorneys to play out their past emotional hurts and battles. Even in cases where our clients own a business, have substantial stock portfolios or other complex assets, we can resolve the case to each party’s satisfaction at a fraction of the cost of litigation. We do this by developing a strategy with the assistance of a specialized divorce financial planner and business valuation professionals familiar with the current economic landscape and the family court system.
Book Review: Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay
Iris McKay
During
the course of my fifteen years as a divorce attorney, as well as being
divorced myself, I can recommend this book as the best source for
anyone contemplating the breakup of a marriage. Although the book was
written over 12 years ago, it is still popular and available through
booksellers. Marriage and family therapist Mira Kirschenbaum does an
excellent job of pinpointing the myriad reasons behind the problems in
marriages. She provides tools to help the reader move beyond weighing
the pros and cons. The value in this book is that it does not push the
reader to stay in the marriage, nor does it attempt to steer the reader
toward divorce. The book also assists the reader in realistically
determining which issues can be fixed and which cannot, without a
judgmental attitude toward either spouse.
On a personal level, this book was extremely valuable to me eleven years ago, as it helped me assess the strengths of my marriage, as well as the weaknesses of it. Using Kirschenbaum’s tools and case histories allowed me to make an informed and intelligent decision to end my marriage, while working toward a successful ‘post marriage’ relationship with my former husband. This has proved immensely beneficial as we have both enjoyed co-parenting our 13 year old son over the years, without the usual problems that divorced parents face while trying to parent from two different households.
Choosing to end or stay in a marriage is usually one of the biggest decisions an individual makes. Often times a potential client will come to see me about the financial and legal aspects of an intended divorce, even though they haven’t yet made the decision to divorce. A ‘reality check’ for many people involves an understanding of the amount of support they’re likely to pay or receive, an idea of how the assets will be divided and a recommendation do read this book from cover to cover.
Iris McKay
During
the course of my fifteen years as a divorce attorney, as well as being
divorced myself, I can recommend this book as the best source for
anyone contemplating the breakup of a marriage. Although the book was
written over 12 years ago, it is still popular and available through
booksellers. Marriage and family therapist Mira Kirschenbaum does an
excellent job of pinpointing the myriad reasons behind the problems in
marriages. She provides tools to help the reader move beyond weighing
the pros and cons. The value in this book is that it does not push the
reader to stay in the marriage, nor does it attempt to steer the reader
toward divorce. The book also assists the reader in realistically
determining which issues can be fixed and which cannot, without a
judgmental attitude toward either spouse. On a personal level, this book was extremely valuable to me eleven years ago, as it helped me assess the strengths of my marriage, as well as the weaknesses of it. Using Kirschenbaum’s tools and case histories allowed me to make an informed and intelligent decision to end my marriage, while working toward a successful ‘post marriage’ relationship with my former husband. This has proved immensely beneficial as we have both enjoyed co-parenting our 13 year old son over the years, without the usual problems that divorced parents face while trying to parent from two different households.
Choosing to end or stay in a marriage is usually one of the biggest decisions an individual makes. Often times a potential client will come to see me about the financial and legal aspects of an intended divorce, even though they haven’t yet made the decision to divorce. A ‘reality check’ for many people involves an understanding of the amount of support they’re likely to pay or receive, an idea of how the assets will be divided and a recommendation do read this book from cover to cover.
Could a Mathematical Formula Predict the Success or Failure of a Marriage?
Iris McKay
Psychologist
John Gottman from the University of Washington has been conducting
research on what makes marriages fail. Since the 1980s, he’s been
videotaping and studying couples. He can watch a couple for one hour
and predict whether they will be together or apart in 15 years with a
95% accuracy rate!
Twenty different emotional states are watched and analyzed by Dr. Gottman as he observes couples discussing various issues. Among the emotions are anger, whining, stonewalling, disgust, contempt and neutrality. In addition to the words spoken, the spouse’s facial expressions are also given a mathematical value. Do you think Dr. Gottman’s findings support the commonly held belief that couples split up because of poor communication, money or in-laws? No.
Dr. Gottman’s mathematical formula incorporates a type of Morse code that he assigns, then interprets from watching the couples, which he then derives a ‘distinctive signature’ that is read and decoded, based on the attitudes and emotions of the couple. So, what was the ‘trait’ that killed marriages most? Contempt. Also important were defensiveness, criticism and stonewalling. Dr. Gottman was also able to make connections between a couple’s emotional behavior and their physical well being. It shouldn’t surprise anyone to know that couples who are contemptuous of each other and fight often also suffer from depressed immune systems.
Iris McKay
Psychologist
John Gottman from the University of Washington has been conducting
research on what makes marriages fail. Since the 1980s, he’s been
videotaping and studying couples. He can watch a couple for one hour
and predict whether they will be together or apart in 15 years with a
95% accuracy rate!Twenty different emotional states are watched and analyzed by Dr. Gottman as he observes couples discussing various issues. Among the emotions are anger, whining, stonewalling, disgust, contempt and neutrality. In addition to the words spoken, the spouse’s facial expressions are also given a mathematical value. Do you think Dr. Gottman’s findings support the commonly held belief that couples split up because of poor communication, money or in-laws? No.
Dr. Gottman’s mathematical formula incorporates a type of Morse code that he assigns, then interprets from watching the couples, which he then derives a ‘distinctive signature’ that is read and decoded, based on the attitudes and emotions of the couple. So, what was the ‘trait’ that killed marriages most? Contempt. Also important were defensiveness, criticism and stonewalling. Dr. Gottman was also able to make connections between a couple’s emotional behavior and their physical well being. It shouldn’t surprise anyone to know that couples who are contemptuous of each other and fight often also suffer from depressed immune systems.
